As the title screams, yes, I planned this post a good deal.
It all started this morning at work, which I wasn’t supposed to be opening today, but I agreed last night to cover for my exhausted boss for a couple hours. This meant that I went to bed early last night, which meant that after taking my “break” watching 5 episodes of Entourage season 3, I did zero studying. Around 7:15, “Boston” by Augustana came on the Pandora-playing iPod at work and right at the line in the song “I think I need a sunrise, I’m tired of the sunset…” I happened to look out the window and see an exquisite sunrise and I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself (only by virtue of no one else being in the shop) and think that was not by coincidence.
Then, when I was on my way to grab some food after the stop at the gym early this afternoon, I saw a guy who, to the casual observer I was, appeared to have “assumed the position” and was urinating on a small bush by the e-school in broad daylight and without any noticeable cover. It was upon further review that I realized he had a shovel he had thrust into the dirt and was working it down further into the earth. My random awkward moment in my mind for the day…
It was about at the same time, that “Fight Inside” by RED came on in my headphones and the song really resonated with me. On a tangential note, I’ve been in a real punk/grunge/hardcore kick recently, so the song should not come as a surprise. Anyway, the song is quite aptly titled as it is all about the spiritual struggle within and I couldn’t help but identify with it. I want sanctification, yet I don’t at the same time. There are factions within my members (I really like that phrase) that are truly at war within me and it makes things tough a lot of the time. This gives slightly different meaning to the term we Christians like to throw around, “broken.” In a very real sense, my affections have been split between God and Satan, good and evil. There are few things where saying this is satisfying, but I believe that in this life that is just the way of it. If even Jesus said, “No one is good, except for the Father,” then there doesn’t seem to be much hope in me overcoming all my fleshly desires. On the flip side, I don’t see there being much chance in me giving up the desires that have been placed in me by the Creator. So, this war will continue, but what will change is the territory of my heart that is occupied by the pure and good desires. Being someone who used to view life as a series of trials brought on by somewhat of an evil-scientist who liked to watch his subjects squirm, but eventually overcome, I try to avoid the war metaphor, but it seems all to applicable right now. There are simply times when God, in His most loving way, as to play the part of a conquering general. It is times like this where I feel like I’m at my wit’s end, that I just long to see Him riding into battle, guns blazing and looking at me with a huge, comforting smile indicating that everything is guaranteed to be perfectly fine. Sometimes, I like my God with a hearty helping of BA…